I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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