ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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