i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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