Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize