She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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