is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize