So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
