i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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