he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
