I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize