btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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