I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
