you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize