he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
