i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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