i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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