I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
