Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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