Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
