i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
