By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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