very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
