My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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