He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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