Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Small penises have feelings too.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
