WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
