I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
