Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
