it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
