Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me that man meat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
