and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
