shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize