We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
