Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
