It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
