You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
