I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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