having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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