sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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