Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
