I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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