I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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