You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What a dumb baby whore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
