Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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