why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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