Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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