She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
bring money and cleavage
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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