New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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