can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
