she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
