omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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