I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize