so explain again why im purple
no
i think my tv is drunk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
