Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why do cheetos always look like penises
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
