I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
