Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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