I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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