who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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