You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize