i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
