thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
