this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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