At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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