she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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