laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
