I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
