And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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