we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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