Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
