just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am available for nakedness
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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