I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
