Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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