Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
