Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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