Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
