i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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