I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
