Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
