My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize