Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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