Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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