i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
