This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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