When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't deserve a penis
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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