i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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