I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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