If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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