I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I need to align my fucking chakras
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
