I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
