last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
