So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
