I just pynch a tree in the face
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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