Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
