Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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