i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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