Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
