Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
