I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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