Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
