I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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