I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
