She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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