you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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