it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize