if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
