my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
