Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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